Happy Freaking Earth Day

Hooray! Let's celebrate our planet! Behold our loving mother! She's a cold, heartless bitch of a mother. Here are some statistics that show her love for us. Isn't she grand? She brings forth all manner of pestilence. Disease, drought, flood, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, wildfire, it's all in love. Pop quiz: Who has killed more people, every genocidal maniac in history combined, or Earth? Google that crap. When do we celebrate genocidal maniac day? Now, in our planet's defense, not all disasters are its fault. Take the worldwide famine that has started and is getting worse. It's not because of drought. It's because of biofuel decreasing the supply of corn, which supplies almost every other type of food, such as beef, pork, and poultry. Now it's not the Earth that's killing millions, it's those who love the Earth more than their fellow man. Now that I've written this blasphemy, I must now seek the Goracle to seek forgiveness.

The New Face of Mormonism

The one story from the past few weeks that has made me hostile every time it appears is the Texas polygamy case. When it first broke, I never believed the 16 year old girl existed. Turns out I was right. Not to toot my own horn, but toot, toot.

What really gets me hostile is the fact that all it takes is one phone call to remove 400 children from their homes. Child Protective Services is the single most frightening organization in this country. Their case is based on a phone call made by a crazy 33 year old woman in Colorado. Imagine how easy it would be to take away your kids.

What abuses have been claimed? One CPS investigator testified that there may have been cases of sexual relations with children "16-17 years old or younger". Please note, 16-17 years old would be legal. Two kids have had a broken bone. That's it. No proof whatsoever. If you cruise the headlines, you'll see two arrests have been made. Both of those arrests are related to interfering with the investigation, not abuse.

The real "abuse" is that these people are trying to raise their kids the way they see fit. Every story I encounter points out that these kids are taught to be fearful of outsiders (they use the term Gentile, however). They don't watch TV. They are homeschooled. They don't go to the mall. They don't dress like hookers. They are different. I'll be honest, they are right to raise their kids this way. It may be extreme to completely remove them from society to protect them, but it's the parents' decision. I'd rather send my kid to be raised in this ranch than to be raised by Britney Spears or Rosie O'Donnell.

Now all these kids have been completely severed from their families. The temptations of the outside world are being dangled in front of them. CPS will show them a world of TV, ice cream, pizza, and lollipops. A world without bedtimes, discipline, or rules. A host of earthly pleasures could be theirs if only they would tell a little white lie about some abuse. How many kids wouldn't tell that little lie to "liberate" themselves? Not very many.

CPS scares the crap out of me.

The Great Enemy of Clear Language

"In our age there is no such thing as 'keeping out of politics.' All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred, and schizophrenia. When the general atmosphere is bad, language must suffer." -George Orwell, "Politics and the English Language" Americans don't agree on much. We are divided in all aspects of our lives, especially in politics. We are painted by the media blue or red. Whatever your politics, odds are very good that you don't disagree with Orwell's above statment. Although polls are not factual evidence, all polls I've seen indicate that our nation is declining morally and politicians are among the least trustworthy people on the planet. Since our general atmosphere is so bad, our language suffers. That is, like, so true. If you haven't already clicked on the above link to Orwell's complete essay, do it now. Don't come back to this blog until you have read, understood, and appreciated this entire essay. It will change how you listen to all political speech and news reportage. Having read this, do you realize that the polls cited above indicate that we are in a worse state than in Orwell's time? Watch your debates and commentary on the television. Attend your speeches and rallies. Whether it be a Clinton, Obama, McCain, or anyone else, you are watching some tired hack on the platform mechanically repeating the familiar phrases that we've heard for years. Soundbites, buzzwords, talking points. You can watch every news network on split screen and never hear a single fresh, vivid, homemade turn of speech. I propose that we change Election Day to February 2. With the world watching, we emerge from our cage pretending that we are important and can change the future. We dance the Pennsylvania Polka, look for our shadow, and then return to our cage until next time. People say politicians don't honor their promises. I don't blame them any more than I blame the groundhog for longer winters. It's our fault for believing them. McCain promises he will be more conservative if he is elected. Clinton promises health care. Obama promises change. Do you remember the other Clinton's promise for middle class tax cuts? The other Bush's 'read my lips' promise? No matter how great a promise sounds, it is made just to get your vote. You will vote for the candidate who promises you the most things that are the most important to you. If your candidate is elected and fails on those promises, you will vote for someone unless they promise to keep their promise the next time. The bottom line is that politicians use tired vague language because they are insincere. They don't feel our pain. They want to feel the power our votes give them. All their promises, accusations, denials, anecdotes, speeches, or even the words they mutter in their sleep will be vague and meaningless, full of dying metaphors, verbal false limbs, and pretentious diction. Let Orwell's essay be your guide to all political discourse. You will fully appreciate the effort it takes some politicians to speak so many words that mean so little.